I had my first broken heart this year…
“I know how it feels. I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you, and waiting for everyone to fall asleep so you can fall apart, for everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end. I know exactly how it feels…”
Breakups cause tears, but tears in a way of like at this point almost four years ago we were spending every single day together as opposed to this feeling of I may never talk to someone again, someone I thought I might spend the rest of my life with.
I lost everything I thought I was. Every positive personality trait I had was gone. Every bit of dignity, happiness, and every bit of me. I changed the person I was to become a person they might love. Which is more than common in any relationship. You try so hard to save something that is already gone and completely erase the genuine soul that you truly are doing this. All to make someone else happy.
I realized just this year how much my own happiness mattered. And not just that but how happy I used to be! And how much I hated the person I had become.
I cried every day for I’m not sure how long. And in the end, I wasn’t even crying for the reason I thought I was. My heart wasn’t broken because I lost the person. My heart was broken because I had lost myself.
What was wrong with me that I became so consumed in someone else’s life that I no longer had my own. My only option was to pick myself up and learn all over again to live life to the fullest.
I had my first broken heart this year.
I bought my third pair of white converse.
And I found who I had really lost, and learned to love her all over again.
This broken heart of mine, I truly let it shine. When my little sister has her first broken heart or when your daughter has hers. Remind her that as though it hurts like hell…. “It’s fine” The day the world comes crashing in is a million times worth the day you realize that those kind of tears are the same kind of tears you cry when you get your braces off. Sad because they have been there forever but a relieving weight off your chest.
That this truly could be the best thing to ever happen to you….Because it’s the best that’s happened to me.
See you soon,