Boys Go To Jupiter…

I’m slowly coming to a conclusion that all boys suck and are useless. Even the ones we fall in love with, marry and have cute little mini me’s with. THEY ALL SUCK. Even though I have a humungous crush on one right now…. he sucks, mostly because he snores. I have come to this conclusion based on the fact that right when I got out of bed a few days ago this certain boy told me “you look fine” and proceeded to tell me that I could go into public looking like that.

Now anyone who knows me knows that I have naturally curly hair. And anyone who has naturally curly hair knows you can’t go to bed with it wet…. I did that night, hopefully, this gives you some type of visual.

At this moment, I have decided to create a list of reasons why boys suck and are mostly useless…

  1. They tell you that you look fine when actually you look like a cave woman disturbed during hibernation.
  2. Emotional support is a hard negative, they might as well be patting your back with a broom.
  3. They never answer the phone during a 2 a.m. crisis like hello wake up I can’t open the mayo and you aren’t here…
  4. They are ALWAYS late. Like I thought I was supposed to be that one running fashionably late. I think boys secretly wear makeup that we don’t know about.
  5. When you need them to take your side in a useless girl fight and they just say nothing… “that bitch” or “you want me to kick her ass” is always a right answer.
  6. When you try to look nice they see no difference than when you’ve just gotten out of bed and been sick for two weeks.
  7. For all the things they don’t notice they sure do notice when you pick a wedgie, have an eye booger, or when a little toot comes out.
  8. They think girls don’t fart. For a boy who actually picks his nose, keeps his hand in his pants, and farts constantly while home alone you sure are judging harshly.
  9. They all try to act manly and like us women are so much drama but secretly they all gossip and fight like a bunch of girls.
  10. They can’t read our minds when the time is right. Yes, I do want flowers and I did want you to kiss me on the first date twenty years ago.
  11. They won’t tell you if you have something in your teeth. It could be there for hours and they still won’t say a darn thing.
  12. They stink, are dirty, and cooties are real!

I’m sure there are more reasons as this thought crosses my mind each day when I get irritated for .5 second because of a boy. As much as they suck they are cute, they smell nice after showers, and their clothes are comfortable. Ditch the list, “it’s fine”…

See you soon,

Rocky